just a mother....

when i was thinking about some of the things i have to come through to be a mother, i came across with one that for me could be the most annoyingly challenge....poop....

yes, when we/i got pregnant, my husband and i talk about who was going to change our babies poops....he complete deny that task, like it was some sort of hex...and despite i was the middle child, between two boys, and all the things they did to disgust me in every way everyday, specially the youngest one with his burping ABCs, to mention on of the mentionable ones; i had to fight my famous "odor alert" nose and think in something else while changing diapers....i was really bad because just thinking about it made me run to the toilet....but no anymore....i think...

so since my emily arrive almost 5 years ago i could see an arrange of colors since black-greenish, to brown, watery seedy creamy.....and just when you got use to one of the color, it change again!!! and you will find yourself running to the doctor's office to get her check because something must be reaaallly wrong with her.....and you Ped will give you the look and send you home....lucky i had a terrific pediatrician, she always send me home with a smile and telling me i was doing a great job!, what a sweet!....nowdays if i talk about poop it is just a scientific matter....you tell me the color i will tell you the age of your kid!...that easy!

and then, how can such small baby poop 10 times a day!!!!....come on!, and again, the doctor will send you home, frustrated and with 150 dollars less in your pocket.....that is why we need to talk and search about almost everything....

my mom help me for the first 2-3 months on the birth of my two kids, and i can not find the words to tell you how lucky and great this help meant to me....in every way, but specially for changing diapers, with both of my girls, my mother got all cover on their runny poop, mostly her hands, or clothes, but in a couple of this disasters, on her face, mouth and her luggage that was laying beside the changing table minding his own business.....and PAAAMMM!.......it didnt get in her eyes cause she was wearing glasses but her mouth, oh her mouth....i need to stop now.....

and then comes....potty training....with emily it was so crazy we had to take her to a psicologist, why? because she didnt like to see her poop and was trying to stop it from coming out....she needed medicine, and it got so bad she wanted to stop peeing too, but because she couldnt hold her pee, she would cry every time she need it to pee......so we came back to the diapers, and even with that we struggle a couple of days.....so we wait longer and longer.....

by the time she was 3 she was so ready, she knew how to hold her pee during pool time, so i could see her moving and crossing her legs....then i put her a diaper and it was fine....but one fine day i bribe her with some fancy cars from the "cars" movie (cars could talk!), and she love them, so in a couple of days she run to the bathroom and never had an accident.....but for her poop i had to wait another year....

i had travel to my country and a couple of days of our arrival, emily was complaining of a tummy ache and she bend and cry...then she said, "mommy i need to poop! bring my diaper!!!"...sorry sweety, no time for diaper, you have to go NOW!...i seat her on the potty and she couldnt hold it.....5 minutes later she repeat the process......i was so scare of a tummy infection that is why we run!, but after that she was normal again, so it was just something she eat she was not use to eat it.....but she felt relieve, so she didnt mind going to the toilet from that day after.... still she is afraid of pottys that flush by themselves, she doesnt finish peeing and she runs from it!, it takes her time and some pushing from my part.....

and you may think that know after 5 years everything is just beside me...no, you are wrong....and not because i need to train sophie now, which i complete refuse to waist energy and words and time....she will go when she TELLS me she want to use the potty and non before that!....but it is because now my older little angel likes to chat about her poop...like sometimes she poops "like a train", with many many wagons, sometimes train comes alone, sometimes train came back to the cave, sometimes the train does splish and splash sounds, other just pouch pouch sound....and so on and on.....

every time she wants to pee she will ask me, and if she wants to poop when she is peeing, she comes back to me to tell me she needs to poop too.....most of the times i want to scream JUST GOOOO!!!!!....but i just say OK instead....just because i like her to ask me when she wants to do some stuff....(like when she wants to cut her doll's hair or so)....but as i said, i had i good background at home with my brothers, i get gross about it but i learned to laugh....i dont have where else to go, is not like i can forget i have kids and everything that comes with them.....

it a hard hard job, but at the end is soooo so rewarding!.....there is much more than just plain poop!, ja!

there are 3 types of babys, the easy ones, the middle ones, and the stormy ones....what are you going to get???nobody knows....easy ones sleep with their milk, play with their hands and let you cook and clean without a peep....i have seen one of these....stormy ones, will be very awake after their bath and milk, looking to be entertained 12 hours a day and not let you go to the bathroom to pee....i had one of them....but i guess it will also depends what kind of mother are you...and you can be one of the three too....easy one, the one who after just 6 days of giving birth you can find her in church or in high heels ready for the world..... i also have seen one of them....or the scary mom that doesnt take their baby out after one month at least (she had try it many times but run back home after the first cry)....i was one of them too.....so it was a very bad mix and match, but as my ped said....i was doing a goooooddd joobbbbb!!!!

nobody told me what it was going to happend after delivery...opposite a friend of mine got so much information she is now afraid and it is thinking not to try having a baby.......which is the best???...neither....one day i came across a web page that unfortunately i coulnt find it again, it was about how much some women want to have a baby, some of us can and some cant....and some doesnt want them.....but for those who struggle it is a really terrible pain, it can get to years and years of trying, you really cant feel how horrible it can get unless you live that....i remember myself years ago saying to a friend: "just try it, relax", and lots and lots of bullshit, that i hear from others, but really not thinking it seriously....until i hear i couldnt have anymore children the natural way, my world just collapse....still nothing compares cause at that time i had at least one.....

in this web page many women wroted about their struggle, marital troubles, and most of them divorced after years of trying to concive or few months/weeks after getting pregnant or having the baby ....why?....no body told them that being married it is hard, and having a baby can be a thousand times harder...i always compare it like, when i was studding for a test during college, i didnt get much sleep, and i was so tired, but them I COULD decide and say, the university can go to hell, i just want to sleep....when you have your baby, you cant.....i had a c-sec, i had my nipples bleeding and i refuse to breastfeed because of pain but 5 seconds later after hearing my baby crying to be feed, i just cry and went to take her close to me and just feed her......you will push yourself to the end, and at the same time you realize how an extraordinary woman you are and how much more you can keep pushing......once i read about a mommy who went to take a shower and fall sleep on the floor while the water was poring on her....so true....many times while i was breastfeeding my girl my husband had to be awake close to me so i wont fall sleep and let my baby go on the floor......

we normally just see the cutest thing of having a baby, the baby clothes and bassinet, decorating the room, etc....i remember taking Lamaze classes for giving birth, so you are relax and you count your breathing, etc.....i didnt know that babies dont latch naturally and will make your nipples bleed, and especially didnt know all lamaze classes went to the garbage cause i needed a c-sec.....and over the top......how hard it will be after the baby??, they just need milk right!...wrong, milk comes after 3-4 days or 6-7 days if you have a c-sec, so your baby cries all the time....you dont sleep cause you feed them every 2 hours for at least 2 weeks.....everything goes so unnaturally, it makes you resentfull why nobody told you about that, and definitely you are not going to get pregnant AGAIN!....but years later, you forget everything and you get pregnant!!!!, ja!!......and you dont remember a bit of what you did with your first child!...which could be good cause your second could/mostly be completely opossite to your first one....

for me, this is it...even when again after one year of having a baby, i have forgot half of the terror, i think of a baby boy, but know i can see how much less time i have for my girls, i want so much for them, time for playing, reading, coloring, etc....and some days i need a me time too.....and dont forget husband time too....i couldnt do that anymore, one parent for one kid it is going to be ok, and who knows what could happend later on....maybe i can get pregnant in my fourty's!, if Gods thinks that it right, then here is a womb to another angel to come and raise and LOVE......